Good to Carry God Along to Lead You, When You Plan to Marry – Rev (Mrs) Enitan Osa-Oni

 

Rev Dr (Mrs) Enitan Osa-Oni, FCA, is an accomplished Chartered Accountant – a celebrated, cool, calm and collected leader. 

She is the Co-pastor of Vineyard Christian Ministries (VCM), Lagos, and the proprietress of Bright Destiny Nursery/Primary School and Joen College, both in Mushin, Lagos.

She recently marked her 69th birthday and offers insights into her 40-year marital journey and other related issues with Gracious Akintayo. Enjoy;

 

Kindly share the journey of your 40-year marriage and 40-year ministry with us: 

First, thank God for the journey and where He has brought us. 40 years of marriage and 40 years of ministry have been incredibly wonderful experiences with God.

When we started, it was like a play. Actually, I didn’t want to marry a man of God, and he was already one then. But as things were, that was where God led me to, and there had been no regrets.

It was not easy at the beginning, because I was working as an accountant, and not in a full-time ministry, but I was supporting the ministry.

I will go to work, come back, and join the ministry because we don’t have people with us; we were the only ones doing the ministry, and God was with us. He helped us during that period until people started joining us and playing some roles, doing different things.

At that early stage, we had more time for the ministry and put everything into it. We were married, but the children did not come until four years later when we had our first child.

When the children started coming, my husband believed that while he was working, I should stay with the children. He allowed me to take care of the children, and I was not too involved in the ministry during that period.

Thank God, the children are grown-up, God helped us raise them, and they are doing well where they are in different parts of the world.

The ministry went through several stages. We started by using our sitting room for Church service before moving to a place at the back of a mechanic workshop. Later, we started using an unfinished flat upstairs of a building with people living downstairs. After some time, after the mechanics were evacuated, we secured the place, put up a beautiful structure, not a building, and started using it for Church service. From there, we had our breakthrough, and the church blossomed.

We thank God for the people who stood by us. From that place, God provided and brought us to this permanent place. The building we were using upstairs, where we temporarily moved into, later became the branches of the Church.

God has been good to us; we now have branches in many parts of the country and other countries.

How were you able to manage your home as a wife and mother with ministry and professional work? 

Everything is a mindset. Once you make up your mind and determine to do something, God will give you the grace. Also, when you pray, God will help you with the strength to function.

I was working, going to work in the morning, and came back to play my part in the ministry.

When God started bringing people to us, the burden became minimal with people doing different things. God provided some help for me in the house, too, with other assistants. I kept myself up through prayers.

Essentially, we developed a habit of prayer in the house, and it became a force. While driving to my place of work and coming back home, I maintained that habit of prayer. When you secure God’s presence and don’t miss your prayers, everything will fall into place.

What are the guiding principles that kept your marriage together for 40 years? 

First, the conviction I received from God. I allowed Him to guide and direct me. That’s why I asked and counsel young people planning to get married, are you convinced of your decision, or are you being coerced to do it, or are there things influencing your decision, or are you not sure, this is what God wants for you?

The reason is that there is always a time of adjustment in every marriage. Some people don’t feel it because everything blends. The adjustment time happens, but they don’t feel it much because the two of them flow together.

In some cases, it becomes turbulent, and many people throw in the towel because of the way things are in the marriage, saying, “I felt I made a mistake”, “maybe it’s not God’s will, “it looks as if I shouldn’t have gone into this marriage”.

We had our own period of adjustment, too. Many times he would do things to me, I would cry, I don’t know, this is how marriage is. We can quarrel in the room, and if someone came knocking at the door, he would be smart and talk with the person. But at that, I would not be able to face anyone, because it would show me that I was not happy and something was happening.

What kept me going was my earlier conviction before going into the marriage. I didn’t want to marry him when he spoke to me. I told him I would pray about it, but I didn’t. Along the line, I started thinking about him. I was like, ” Why should I be thinking about this person?

I became disturbed and confided in my sister, who is also a Christian. She advised me to pray about it because I haven’t. Then, I started praying, and eventually God gave me some revelation and understanding that this is where he wanted me to be. I became troubled in my spirit and was being torn apart between my spirit and my mind. But deep in me, this is the way to go.

God told me that when He called Abraham, Abraham left his people; he didn’t know where he was going, but followed Him by faith, that I should follow Him by faith, and God said, if I marry the person I wanted to marry, should that person die, and I didn’t get to enjoy the person. My father was late before I was born, and I never knew him, though God didn’t use that instance for me, but the thought of it that I never knew my father came to my mind.

That was how I married my husband, and thank God, I didn’t miss God’s direction for my life. The conviction I had sustained me, even when issues arose. It’s good to always carry God along to guide you when you want to get married.

There is gain when God is leading you, and you are patient; it doesn’t mean everything will be rosy. But when you are with God, He has a purpose for bringing you to where He has brought you. If you allow God to guide you, He will direct you.

Oftentimes, we follow the fantasy of what we want and the kind of person we want to marry, but it doesn’t work. When things start falling apart, we will run out immediately.

What is the missing link between yesterday’s and today’s marriage?

The differences are situations, attitudes, and mindsets. Different generations have different expectations, and what they want in marriage is different.

The present generation wants a perfect marriage, where they can live and do as they like without being questioned. They don’t want to submit and don’t want to be corrected.

Once they are married, and the woman behaves somehow, the man feels like, I have done everything and she’s not changing, what next? I can’t love her again, or if the man makes some remark she must submit to, the woman will be grumbling. But it takes patience and understanding to overcome those situations.

Today, many Christians are not deep with God, and they don’t understand what the Bible says about marriage. “Man, love your wife. Woman, submit to your own husband”. They took it out of context and misunderstood the deep meaning.

No marriage comes easy, but you need to be patient in marriage because you come from different backgrounds with different vibes. To bring two different people together in marriage is a mystery of God and not an easy task.

There will be friction; some things will not add up. But God’s word says that two shall become one, and it takes patience to become one.

An adage says that when a leaf stays long with soap, it becomes soapy, and the Bible says, “if two shall agree…”. When two people stay together for a long time, they will understand each other and reason alike.

No matter how long you date someone, you can’t know the person. But when you get married, and the person becomes like a television to you, you will get to know them better. It takes patience to overcome differences between two people.

If you don’t understand the Bible and how to communicate, it could be a reason for “if it doesn’t work, let’s walk away from it”. This generation doesn’t know how to stretch, and they are not ready to learn.

Another reason is that this generation believes they know it all and want to have their way. In those days, it was all about patience and endurance. There were times they didn’t marry for themselves, and no parent picked their partners, but still, they stayed. But this age is not ready to be patient or to endure advice. To them, it is for better, for worse, and for parts.

This is a generation of indomie, they want everything easy, once their partner is not behaving their way, they are done with it. That’s why generations differ, but there is a uniqueness that cannot be taken away.

Another missing link is that today’s parents are not teaching their children how to be a good husband. and a good wife. Someone who is not taught and well brought up, when they get married, it follows them into the marriage. They talk and behave anyhow; also hurt their partners without care, because that’s what they brought from their home.

When things happen, they don’t know how to handle them. But if they know God, He will always give them the wisdom on what to do and how to handle issues when they arise.

Most Christians in this generation are nominal Christians, who are not deep in God’s word and don’t fellowship with Him.

When you have a good fellowship with God, you will be able to live with anyone. When you are at peace with God, you will make your enemies be at peace with you.

The way you handle things also matters. It takes God’s wisdom and love, and if you don’t have the love of God, you can’t love your partner because there will be times and situations, things will happen, and issues will arise. It will take the love and the wisdom of God to handle persistent issues in marriage.

Most people cannot manage their emotions. The same way they feel is the same way they react. That is why today, people are easily carried away by emotion, and you have to be in a good relationship with God, for Him to be in your marriage.

What are you doing now that has kept you busy?

I run private schools under different names, Bright Destiny Nursery/Primary School, and Joen College. I started them in a little way with a few children.

At some point, I was discouraged, but thank God we increased year by year and class by class, with our children successfully doing the common entrance. Also, I don’t know anything about education and depend on my staff. Along the line, I went to Lagos State University for a postgraduate course in education because they don’t do master’s in education without a first degree in education.

Later, we started a secondary school with 13 children for the first JSS1. Now, we have SS3, and for many years, the school has been doing well, and the children are doing great.

What advice do you have for the present generation of women? 

They should put their hands into something tangible and profitable, in whatever way they can, rather than sitting down complaining. It is a good thing for the man and the woman to be financially joined together.

Today’s men expect their women to have something they are doing. Instead of women complaining, I don’t have money, I can’t do this, or that. They should take the first step with prayer, and things will happen.

When I started, I had nothing, but I somehow started and gradually built to where we are today.