50 YEARS MARRIAGE: 

The Way We Walk With God, He Deals With Us and Never Disappoints – Engr & Engr (Mrs) Fagbamiye

 

Rev (Mrs) Engr Christie Fagbamiye and her husband, Rev (Engr) Oluwamuyemi Fagbamiye, the Senior Pastors and General Overseer of Redemption Faith Mission, Festac Town, celebrated their 50th Wedding Anniversary and in this interview with Gracious Akintayo, they shared the secrets to their successful marital life and blissful marriage. Excerpt:

Congratulations, on your 50th wedding anniversary.

Thank you very much (chorus).

How would you describe this lifetime celebration of 50 years together as a couple?

Mummy: It is by God’s great grace. It is marvelous in our lives. He has always been there for us. Ours has not been a story of constant fighting, lack of peace, or lack of food. That has not been our portion because God has been good to us.

How did you overcome the challenges and trials of over 50 years of marriage?

Mummy: Our major secret for overcoming challenges is prayer. I gave my life to Christ and my husband never opposed it. We pray together. All my assignments and associations in ministry are for God; he knows about them and fully supports me. We have always stood together, and I have always enjoyed the move of God in our marriage. Even when problems arise, we prayerfully overcome them as if they never existed. We walk over them, and God has been faithful to us.

How would you describe your marital journey of over 50 years?

Daddy: It has been a beautiful journey of God’s grace. To God be all the glory and honour for eternity. We have been able to make it and still stand because I love my wife for who she is – a prayer warrior who believes in the efficacy of prayer over any problem, however difficult.

We always come together, joining hands to pray, and God has always answered.

In 1 Corinthians 13:7, the four pillars of love are that love bears all things, endures all things, believes all things, and hopes all things. On that foundation, we have been able to make it this far, and God will not leave us; He will see us through.

Was there ever a moment you got angry or felt fed up with the marriage?

Daddy: Nothing like that ever crossed my mind. Nothing happened that would make me want to leave my marriage. It never occurred because my wife is tolerant. Even when we had four people living with us – three from my side and one from her side – everyone was happy. I have no regrets marrying her, much less being fed up with our marriage.

What was it like marrying a career woman and a minister of the gospel?

Daddy: We are both career people – engineers by profession, but in different fields. She was always on site, and I was always on site. But all things work together for good for those who trust in God.

Concerning her ministerial calling, I was the first person she told when God called her and I surprisingly asked, “God called you?”. Then, “It is good that God called you; we will sit in the congregation to listen to you preach.” She later attended a Bible College and graduated as a Reverend. The following year, I enrolled in the same Bible College. (Smiles)

Then I was supposed to travel home for my late father’s one-year memorial anniversary. All my siblings were already expecting me. But, I heard a voice saying, “Your father has served Me. You must wait to serve Me.” That was the first Sunday service of Redemption Faith Mission. I did not travel again; I stayed back because I knew it was God’s voice.

If given another opportunity, would you marry your wife again?

Yes, I don’t have a better option. Marriage is an institution. There are times you sit to evaluate things and discuss them – not to quarrel, but for understanding. Because until one is laid to rest, you cannot finish the school of marriage. It is an institution you enter and never receive a certificate of graduation. You continue learning because out of it, your children and neighbours are learning the process. When people talk and make reference to you, they are learning from the process. That is part of what you learn in marriage. It is a school that never ends – a school of character molding, a school to love, for better or for worse. You have to love and mold lives.

Mummy: With the present state of marriage, what is the missing link between your time and now?

Lack of understanding of genuine love. There are more resources available now than in our time. People have money, big jobs, cars, and are well-to-do, but they lack knowledge of true love and doesn’t love. At the slightest provocation between couples today, they say, “I will throw you out.”

Truth is, these days when people plan to get married, they also plan for what might eventually happen in the marriage – which was never the case in our time.

From my experience in marriage counseling, I realized that many people today only plan for the wedding ceremony; they are not prepared for the marriage itself and are not ready to settle down to build a home or family. Most ladies believe the man must carry the entire burden until he is tired and worn out, while most men believe women are just glorified maids in the house.

Life is different now. In those days, when you presented someone to your family, your parents would investigate the person’s background and the family they came from. Today, there is little or no investigation before marriage – that is, if the lady is not already pregnant before being presented to the family. (laughs)

Today, most young people have a specific list of requirements for a partner, and if someone doesn’t match their specification, they turn them down. They are not tolerant or patient enough to build themselves. Because of that, many young people move from church to church, programme to programme, and prayer mountains to mountains in search of a life partner, not necessarily to worship or serve God.

There is little value for marriage in this generation and majority of young men have no respect for women. They want a wife as a housemaid because they do not truly know what love is, and this is affecting the institution of marriage and building of homes. There are many things to learn and do according to God’s plan for marriage and family, but the Gen-Z are not ready to listen, learn, and relearn.

Daddy: What is missing between today’s increase in domestic violence, marital crises, and broken homes compared to your time when such were rare?

The present generation is different from ours because, as my wife said, in our time you could not just meet someone somewhere and claim you were married without parental knowledge and scrutiny of the person’s background – to know if such a person comes from the background of thieves or vagabonds (laughter). Even if they profess to be Christian, how genuine is their Christian background? But today, you find that even in the church, people get married without proper guidance. The missing link is the lack of scrutiny, guidance, and counseling that will sustain the union. No matter how you manage it without that foundation, it becomes crisis-oriented, leading to breakup because of no foundational structure. 

Nowadays, it is easy for someone to wake up one morning and go to social media to announce the breakup or separation of their marriage, because there was no marriage in the first place. It was a fallacy – an attraction and affection of immorality, monetary induced, social status and material gains.

Today, many are not concerned about character, upbringing, and the future before going into marriage. Even if the person is a criminal, a fraudster, or a vagabond, as long as he meets their immediate needs, they are satisfied and not interested in the background. They start having children without first building an institution or planning for the future. These are major ingredients missing between today’s marriages and those of the older generation.

Unlike then, you had to investigate who you wanted to marry, now people get married after meeting on Facebook or through a matchmaking platform without investigation.

These foundational issues are a major cause of problems in today’s marriages. But people can overcome them if they are willing to return to God and realign through prayer for victory.

Was there any memorable moment you can recall in your over 50 years of marriage?

All the days and years of our marriage have been interesting. But one that stands out was the day we needed to make a payment for one of our children who had been admitted into college. At the time, my wife was in charge of the church funds. I asked her to lend me part of the money and promised to refund it at the month end, but she refused and I left for my office. Before I returned, she had paid the money. I was surprised.

Mummy: Please share your most memorable moments during the 50 years of marriage.

From my way of life and mode of dressing, I initially had challenges with my in-laws, who complained about what I did or did not wear. She thought I would be angry, but we eventually became close friends (smiling). To the glory of God, all the people who lived with us turned out to be ministers of God, and those who did not become ministers became prominent Christians in their local churches. Today, they are all serving God in one way or another, including one who married a Muslim the husband is now a Church deacon.

Those are memorable moment that gives me joy. How God used me to transform lives in my marriage. There were about 15 people in my house and I would cook for them without complaining about spending too much, and everyone ate happily. It did not bother me that people were eating my food. Food is meant to be shared, that is my way of life.

It is not every time the man will have money to give. That is why it is good for every woman to also work hard, but not at the expense of her home or by disrespecting her husband. During my civil service days, I was the supervising engineer for Mamman Kotangora’s house in Lagos.

I have always praised God for my marriage. One of my children, precisely my last born, was said to have an umbilical hernia and we were told to take him to the hospital for an operation. I told my husband, “They say this boy needs an operation, but my child is not meant for any operation,” and he agreed with me and we prayed over it. The Bible says if two shall agree concerning an issue, then God will consent to it. Till today, he never had the operation and is now married with a child. The way we walk with Him, He deals with us. He never disappoints, because whatever you sow in the Lord, He pays back in multiple folds. That is how I see God.

As a matriarch, what advice do you have for the present generation on marriage?

The present and next generation should be content with whatever they have and not look outside for solutions to their problems, because there is no one without a problem. Problems will go away when you genuinely call on God and you don’t have to add 2 plus 1 to get 5, or leave the marriage. It doesn’t worth it because outside, there is nothing you can get.

If the present generation can come from a home with good training where they pray together, they will be tolerant enough to build a home, because the family that learns to pray together, stays together. That has been my prerogative – ensuring my family prays together. Even if my brother-in-law or father-in-law comes visiting at any time, they are welcome, but we are going to pray together. In many homes today, people lack tolerance; if a visitor comes, the woman may shout, “You didn’t inform me you were coming.”

As you make your bed, you lie on it and I wish the younger generation would do proper courtship the way it should be done, and not just carry a nylon bag or small portfolio to a man’s house.

There is no alternative to God. He will not abandon us, and we must not turn away from God.

Daddy: What advice do you have for men?

They should be tolerant, prayerful, and believe in God to solve their problems. When two people come together, they should pray together and their marriage will last longer with happiness.

What is your advice to couples who compete with one another in their careers?

Couples who do that lack godly wisdom, because God gave us different gifts. You cannot say, “I should be better than my wife,” or “My wife cannot be better than me.” Everyone has a unique gift from God. If by chance your wife is a bit more knowledgeable than you, accept it and appreciate God in her for that.

My wife is an electrical engineer, and I am a mechanical engineer. Most times when I try to do some electrical work in the house, she will say, “That is not how to do it. Do it this way,” and I will follow her direction.

The gift God gave us is different and you cannot query God. All we have to do is respect one another, appreciate one another, and accept one another to make the best of one another.