Understanding Levels of Relationship By Omoolola Oke
A good woman doesn’t need a charm to keep a man. Her virtue and character will make a man to be doting on her. (Proverbs 31:10 – 12)
People go into relationships without knowledge or understanding of the process and demands of the relationship. As a result of this ignorance, many have fallen into wrong assumptions, conclusions and ultimately fear arising from broken heart, disappointment, jilted, abused and ‘dumping’.
To build a strong, serious, sustainable and successful relationship that will stand the test of time, this understanding is applicable.
- Acquittance – Just knowing one another without strings attached and willingness to accommodate being around one another.
- Friendship – Having healthy interactions and mutual respect with interest of being committed to one another.
- Companionship – Willingness to stay together, sharing intimate details and experiencing vulnerable time BUT NEVER take advantage of one another – managing sensual and erotic moments with maturity.
- Confidanté: Ability to willingly share intimate details, build trust and confidence with level of discipline WITHOUT abusing the privilege of the “known knowledge”.
- Lovers: Consolidating on the successes of (1) – (4) and willingness to make sacrifices. Here 1 Corinthians 13: 1 – 13 becomes imperative and reality. Expression of LOVE must be genuine and all encompassing.
- Engaged: Building on the foundation of (1 – 5) with desires to stand and Cleave together. There will be agreement of the two (Amos 3: 3 and Matthew 18: 19 – 20) is an icing sugar to the cake.
- Spousal and Parenting: After the two agreements and due consents with spiritual authority assent, whereby they get married or mutually consent to birth a child within or without wedlock.
Most people often fail at the transition of (2) into (3); the consolidation of (3) or (4) by engaging in sexualized activities; and assuming that because of the non abusive management of (3) when level (4) has been ongoing for a little while then they can attempt or keep enjoying sexualized activities as expected by peers. Should they engage in sexualized activities they may end up experiencing bitter, sorrowful and regrettable ending (2 Samuel 13: 14 – 17).
“14) But he was unwilling to listen to what she was saying. Since he was stronger than she was, he forced her into having sex with him. 15) Afterwards, though, Amnon hated her very intensely. As a result, his hatred for her exceeded the love that he had previously for her. So Amnon told her, “Get up! Leave!” 16) Even so, she tried to tell him, “No! After all, it’s more wrong to send me away than what you just did to me!” But he was unwilling to listen to her. 17) So he called out to a young man who was serving him, and told him: “Send this woman away from me and lock the door after her.”
Don’t fall victim, get understanding, seek knowledge, be practical, know what you want and be prayerful. Better to have a serious person who is ready to learn, develop and grow, than to have an assumption and pretence to know it all who is not ready to learn, develop and grow further, but just wants to have his way, have a bite and dump you.
Omoolola Oke is a relationship counselor, motivational speaker, writer and minister of the gospel. The President of Truth and Life Outreach, Lagos is happily married with children.