Marriage is for stability, strength and courage, not to be abuse and torments – Apostle Baba Dauji
Apostle Edward Baba Dauji, an elder statesman and apostolic father for Amazing Grace Pentecostal Church, Lagos. He successfully retired as a Director from the Federal Civil Service and presently devotes his time, energy and experience as a father, leader and minister to mentor, develop and impact on the younger generations.
Apostle Edward Baba Dauji, from Kaduna state for about 40 years now, is happily married to his wife, Bishop (Dr.) Chioma Grace Dauji from Imo State and together they are blessed with wonderful children and beautiful grandchildren.
In a recent chat with Providence News, the 73 years old well travelled grandfather speaks on relationships, marriage and domestic violence. Excerpt:
First, the relationship between a man and a woman is not as they seem to be then, today. In the olden days, the parents of the lady would go and find out about the man’s background, before they could decide and agree for their daughter to marry the man.
“Unfortunately today, such is no longer the case in most relationships that end in marriage, because the man and woman are career couples with the man up there and well to do, they are free to go on dates and eventually decide and agree on their own to get married without fundamental knowledge of backgrounds. Sadly enough today, this is seriously becoming the missing link and major cause of incessant breaking of marital homes, separations, divorce, domestic violence and abuse in our society, especially when the couple do not have cordial relationship with God, there is bound to be problems in their marriage”, he lamented.
Frowning at worrisome and disturbing situation among christians and some ministers of the gospel who are becoming news trends on social media and public domain for marriage break ups and domestic violence. Baba Dauji said, “The reality is, many go to church, but the church is not in them. Many are christians by any ways, they are not believers and there are ministers, who still need to be ministered to because they lack the capacity and ability to function as ministers. Also, many are going around, even with titles confessing to know God and speaking about God, but have no relationship with God. They are the set of people who shamelessly drag Christianity, the church and the name of God in mud through unlikely marriage behaviours and other characters. All these wrong doings are demeaning the teachings of the Bible and affecting the gospel, because we are supposed to be the light and salt of the world.”
Advising that, as a couple, there abound to be slight quarrel or misunderstanding, but not to the point of calling each other names, physical assault, molestation and violence. “When it comes to that level, if the couple are christians, they have lost the focus of who they are and why they are, including where they are going. But, if they are not christian, they need Christ to overcome their marriage crisis”.
Citing an example of himself and his wife, Apostle Dauji said, “we have come a long way in our marriage and we are happy. Always thanking God. Because we know where our focus lies. It is not about ourselves, but how God wants that marriage to be for us.”
Speaking on the late well-known gospel song minister and worshipper, Mrs. Osinachi Nwachkwu, Apostle Dauji described her death as saddened. “For a wonderful lady and vessel of God to have died with agonizing pains as a result of severe abuse and domestic violence from the husband is too bad. The man is wicked, heartless and godless to have maltreated such a woman to death”, he bemoaned.
Adding that, “She should have opened up to the shepherd in her church whom God has placed over her, so that her pastor can invite the husband and call him to order. But if the man now beat and abused her because she reported him to her pastor, she does not have to fulfill all righteousness, it would have been better for her to walk out of the marriage.”
“All those things befell her because she never took time to study, to know and understand the man she got married to.”
He further counseled, “Marriage is supposed to give you stability, strength and courage. Not to be abused, tormented and destroyed”. Sadly, she stayed where she was supposed not to stay and it cost her life, he said.
God hates divorce and that is why marriage is a once in a lifetime affair. But, because of the hardness of the people, that is why there is separation and divorce. It was not so from the beginning.
Admonishing couples and intended couples, Apostle Baba Dauji said, “As Christians when you marry from a particular culture different from yours and love each with the love of God, put your different culture aside and concentrate on the culture of the scripture to balance your marriage. That is the new culture and traditions that binds you together, it is no more your village culture and traditions.”
“If you are married as Christians, you have to live according to the tenet and standard of the bible, and not according to your village standard and culture, that is when the marriage will stand.”
“The scripture is a culture on its own and teaches how to live responsibly in life; train your children, raise your family, and bring them in the way of the Lord”, he added.
There are mistake many men are ignorant about and don’t know they are making, and that is, women have a special place in the heart of God. He did not create women the way He created men. When the devil came to tempt the woman and she ate the forbidden fruit which she also gave the man to eat, when the Lord came down to fellowship with them and found that they were naked. He asked, have you eaten the fruit I asked you not to eat? And the man answered, the woman you gave me, gave me to eat. But God didn’t go first for the woman, He punished the man first, because He has special attention to the woman.
Stephen was stoned to death and God did not send angels to rescue him, not because He hated him or he committed any grievous sin. But Jesus shows up when the adulterous woman was caught in the act and they were ready to stone her to death. Jesus came to her rescue and said, if any among you have not committed any sin, he should be the first to cast the stone. But all her accusers left, only Jesus and the woman were left and Jesus asked her to go and sin no more. That shows how much God placed value on women.
Apostle Dauji admonished men, saying, “Men should be careful of how they handle and treat their wives. Women are to be handled with care, tenderness, love, protection and respect by their husbands.”
Appealing that, “People should learn through the mistakes of others. Sometimes, silence is not golden. You just have to speak out to let people know what you are going through and they will come to your aid when you need it most while alive. Do not allow anyone to talk you out or put fear of reaching out for help in you.”
No one, no matter how highly spiritually placed, should die in silence. People should open up to at least someone, so that help can come easily before it’s too late.