Dear Intending and New Couple:
How Many Homes Have Been Destroyed By Reno Omokri, with our correspondent report
The about to marry and newly wed couples are advised against bringing any close or distant family members into their homes to live with them at the early stage of their marriage because they need alone time to strengthen their bond.
The couple always have high expectations when they are entering into a marriage, believing that they have a wonderful marriage since the love they have for each other before entering into the marriage was strong.
It should be noted that bringing a family member, no matter how close and important, into a new home has caused a lot of damage to many couples and destroyed many homes.
Marriage is a union between a man and a woman, not between a man, his wife and any extended family or friends. Of course these people are necessary in one’s life, but they should have their limits when it comes to family affairs in order to have peace to reign in that marriage.
After your wedding, note and understand that you need time to strengthen your marriage union, blend together and understand each other more. Meanwhile, you are divinely instructed to “cleave” to one another and not “leave” a room for a third party.
If you bring in relatives to live with you for whatever reason at the very early stage of your marriage, you may not be able to strengthen your bond. Because, there’s already a distraction and a third party, “stranger” that is not supposed to be part of your marriage journey, home building and vision plans.
Unarguably, notwithstanding closeness of the relation or reason to bring the person to live with you, the person is a stranger and division that will cause you a lot of strange asunder and divide your new home.
The effects of bringing a relative (external force or third party) into your marriage at early stage are:
- It doesn’t allow for closeness between husband and wife.
- It diminishes love between a man and his wife.
- It reduces the value of a man. He will be assumed to be a man that can’t bring orderliness in his home.
- It creates division, hostility and confusion to the marriage.
You need a house that is so free that both of you can chase each other around naked around it, like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. A house, you will be free to communicate, relate, pray and mutually be exclusive together.
This is how many homes and marriages have been destroyed. When two imperfect people formally married out of ignorance or foolishness, they decided to bring or allow in-laws to live with them from the get-go. Automatically, they had brought in a stranger and left rooms for division, which eventually will not allow the desired cleave to bond.
The in-laws will note the imperfection of the spouse not related to them, will mischievously create unnecessary interaction and distractions among the couple, then inform (report to) their extended family, share with their friends and just like that, your marital issues and supposed private matters are extended, subject to opinions and become general issues.”
At the end of the day, whatever becomes your marriage, if you are able to survive it. They will leave and go away, leaving you in trenches and tatters to gather your regrets and stupidity.
If you must bring in a relative to live with you, you must have at most been alone together for two to three years, except when your child arrives. Even at that, the relative should not stay longer than necessary because a family has been established and a new structure, modification and institution have to be built.
Reno Omokri was a spokesman & aide to a former president of Nigeria, Dr. Goodluck Jonathan. He is a legal practitioner, author and social influencer.