The full text of the interactive session led by Pastor Mrs Folashade Ajayi (Convener/Host), during the Christian Women’s Conference 2025 held at the Chapel of Christ the Light, Alausa, Ikeja, Lagos.

CWC 2025:

Understanding Rivalry in Its Full Complexity

“For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.” – James 3:16 (NIV)

What Is Rivalry? 

Rivalry is a competitive or antagonistic relationship when one party feels threatened, overshadowed, or in competition with another. It’s often rooted in comparison, jealousy, pride, or insecurity.

Rivalry isn’t always loud; it can be subtle, emotional, or even masked as ambition. Sometimes, it’s not what someone says, but what they feel deep inside.

Biblical Examples of Rivalry:

a. Cain and Abel – Genesis 4:1–8

Cain became envious of Abel’s offering, which was accepted by God. His rivalry ended in murder.

Lesson: Jealousy left unchecked can breed destructive rivalry.

b. Joseph and His Brothers – Genesis 37

Joseph was favoured by their father Jacob, and his dreams made his brothers envious. They conspired to sell him.

Lesson: Parental favouritism and dreams not managed with wisdom can provoke rivalry.

c. Saul and David – 1 Samuel 18

David’s success and the people’s praise triggered Saul’s insecurity and desire to eliminate him.

Lesson: A threatened leader can become a rival to rising talent.

d. Rachel and Leah – Genesis 29–30

Two sisters married to the same man, both competed for his love and for children.

Lesson: Unresolved emotional needs and comparison cause deep relational tension.

e. Disciples of Jesus – Luke 22:24

Even among Jesus’ followers, there was rivalry: “Which of us is the greatest?”

Lesson: Rivalry can arise even in spiritual settings when humility is lacking.

Signs of Rivalry:

Be it between siblings, friends, couples, ministers, or colleagues, here are red flags:

1. Silent competition: Constantly comparing yourself.
2. Bitterness at another’s success: You feel sad or irritated when others win.
3. Backhanded compliments or subtle criticism.
4. Withholding support or information.
5. Desire to “outdo” rather than “collaborate.”
6. Emotional distancing or secret resentment.
7. Celebrating others’ failures internally.

4. Causes of Rivalry:

1. Comparison (2 Corinthians 10:12) – Measuring yourself against others breeds envy.
2. Insecurity – When your self-worth is threatened, you fight for attention.
3. Favouritism – Real or perceived preferences by leaders, parents, or spouses.
4. Pride and ambition – A need to always be the best or noticed.
5. Poor communication – Misunderstandings that are never resolved.
6. Lack of affirmation – Feeling overlooked or undervalued.

   

5. Are You the Root Cause?

Ask yourself:

1. Do I feel the need to compete for attention or relevance?
2. Am I offended by others’ progress or praise?
3. Do I speak negatively about someone who hasn’t wronged me?
4. Am I leading or loving people in a way that promotes division?
5. Have I created cliques, played favourites, or neglected others?

Insight: Sometimes, we unknowingly fuel rivalry through subtle actions, favouritism, or insecurity.

Managing and Overcoming Rivalry

a. Acknowledge It Before God

“Search me, O God…”

Be honest about jealousy or competitiveness in your heart. (Psalm 139:23–24)

b. Practice Contentment

Find peace in who you are and what God has given you. (Philippians 4:11–13)

c. Celebrate Others Genuinely

Break the chain of rivalry by sincerely rejoicing in others’ success.

d. Communicate Openly

Sometimes rivalry exists because of misunderstandings. Talk to the person rather than assume.

e. Create a Culture of Honour

In your home, ministry, or team, celebrate uniqueness and avoid favouritism.

f. Submit to God’s Timing

Rivalry fades when we trust that God’s plan for our lives is unique and purposeful.

g. Choose Forgiveness

If someone has rivalled you or hurt you, don’t repay evil for evil. Romans 12:17–21

Conclusion:

Rivalry is a silent destroyer of families, friendships, and ministries. But with humility, love, and intentional action, we can overcome it.

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honour one another above yourselves.” (Romans 12:10)

Don’t just kill rivalry spirit, cultivate unity of the spirit. 

Don’t compete, complete each other. Because in Christ, we are many parts, but complete in one body.